"Bleeding Hearts"

(2014)

 

 

Directed By: Dylan Bank

 

          The town of Mansionville's most interesting residents are the Van Houten sisters, five professionals who take a one month vacation together, once a year. Men have disappeared with amazing regularity, and the townsfolk seem blissfully oblivious, even the grizzled old constable (Robert Loggia). That is, until a documentary film maker shows up and starts putting things together in this twisted, fun tale.

 

          The sisters themselves? Where do I begin?? In a casting coup that can only be explained by some otherworldly aligning of the planets, the 5 sisters are played by: Suzi Lorraine, Melantha Blackthorne, Seregon O'Dassey, Jamie White, and Rachael Robbins, a bevy of drop dead gorgeous, talented indie actresses, who, oddly, don't seem to compete for screen time, but instead compliment each other with amazing, blackly comic, chemistry. The flippant way they carry out the various depravities they visit on their captive men can only be described as brilliant. And, make no mistake, this film is a psycho-sexual, sometimes funny, sometimes cringe-worthy (especially cringe-worthy is Lorraine's character, Candy's laugh...) original romp, sure to satisfy fans of gore and T&A.

 

          O'Dassey and Blackthorne, particularly, ooze sexuality and charisma as two of the pointedly sadistic sisters, Lorraine brings her character to a goofily sinister life, White and Robbins meld glamour and menace in a seamless groove of beauty and talent, Loggia growls and shouts (hey, he's Frank Lopez for Christ's sake, he's allowed!), and Dustin Diamond, as much as I hate to admit it, really shines as the suspicious doc director, showing the easy comedic charm he had in "Saved By The Bell" (dude, take more roles like this, people like you like this). Doc Dougherty, as German, delivers every time he's onscreen, and gives the manic finale an unhinged "family" feeling not unlike the "dinner time" scene in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (only with really, really hot girls). Tony Todd also pops up as God...yeah, that's right, God. Torture, blood, boobs, unholy rituals, mayhem,  and lots of scenes that make it impossible not to laugh out loud (albeit, uncomfortably), make "Bleeding Hearts" the most fun film you're likely to see this year.

 

          If just these meager hints of the awesome that is "Bleeding Hearts" isn't enough to make you run out and buy a copy, then you, friend, truly suck. "Bleeding Hearts" doesn't.

 

9/10

 

--Scream King Tom